"Because I have been given much...

I too must give." (Hymn 219)

We sang this song at church today...twice. Well I sang it twice (once in Sacrament meeting and once in Relief Society) and it made me want to burst into tears both times. I have, in fact, been "given MUCH" and at times (like right now) I feel like I don't have much to give back. I always want to try to serve and help people, but with two (sometimes three) 18-month-olds, a rather small house, and few resources I feel like I'm not much help to anyone. It's not very easy for me to go to service projects because I usually have to bring the girls and then I spend more time chasing them around (and probably adding to the chaos) than I do actually being able to serve. I would love to be able to help people out more and watch there kids, but our house is so small that we really don't have much room for more than us. When people need help moving or doing home projects I feel like I just add to their burdens because, once again, I come with two little ones that are very curious, mischievous and get into everything. So there are days when I feel so useless when it comes to helping and serving others.

In one visit with my visiting teachers a few months ago we were actually talking about this very thing. One of the ladies has a very similar situation to mine; the other is a little older, has older kids, more experience, etc. She told me that right now I am serving my family and that it was I am called to do. When I do have chances that I actually can go and serve others than to embrace them and do them, but not to feel guilty when I feel like I can't. Because in all reality I'm serving in the most important place that I can be right now and that's inside my home, serving my kids, and serving my husband.

Sometimes I feel guilty that there is so much that I have been given and a lot of things I take for granted. The Lord has blessed me immensely. I have amazing parents who raised me and taught me very well, siblings that are great examples and are always there to give me advice and support me, a wonderful husband who loves me regardless of all my craziness, and two beautiful girls that bring so much love and joy into my life. I have "My glowing fire, my loaf of bread, my roof safe shelter over head" and so much more. This day came at the perfect time, when I needed this reminder of how much I DO have...not what I don't have, and I have two people to thank for all of this. They are my Heavenly Father and my Savior Jesus Christ. I wouldn't have the family that I have, the life lessons, the strong testimony, the ability to make it from day to day if it wasn't for these two amazingly wonderful Heavenly Beings.

Between today and earlier this week (see previous post) I have been truly humbled. I have been touched by His spirit and I know that I am truly blessed and being watched over, especially in this difficult and trying time. It was made even more clear to me when we came home from my in-laws house to two boxes of diapers sitting on our back patio. We have so many angels in our lives, especially now as we are struggling, getting discouraged, and trying to lift each other up as we go day in and day out. I know angels are always around us, we just don't always recognize them. I don't know who left us diapers (twice now), gave us gift cards, or gave us money so we could give our girls a good Christmas, but I want the world to know how truly and eternally grateful I am to those that have done these things for us. I cannot wait for the day when I am in the position to be able to do these types of things for others. I cannot wait until I have the chance to "Pay it Forward". But I know that for now I must continue to humble myself and count my blessings and be grateful for what I do have and serve and give wherever I possibly can.

"Because I have been given much, I too must give.

Because of thy great bounty, Lord each day I live.

I shall divide my gifts from thee with every brother that I see,

who has the need of help from me.

Because I have been sheltered, fed by thy good care…

I cannot see another’s lack and I not share-

my glowing fire, my loaf of bread-my roof’s safe shelter over head,

that he too may be comforted.

Because I have been blessed by thy great love dear Lord,

I’ll share thy love again according to thy word.

I shall give love to those in need. I’ll show that love by word and deed,

thus shall my thanks be thanks indeed."
(Hymn # 219)